Ready for potty training your toddler but don't know where to start? I can help!

Potty Training…It’s a dirty job…but someone’s gotta do it. And that someone is YOU!

Potty training my children is the hardest part of parenting I have encountered thus far. How about you?

But there is hope. I promise you can and will survive. You’re child will eventually learn to use the toilet, it’s inevitable. Keep that in mind, especially when you feel that potty training is ruling your life.

I have just finished (last week in fact) potty training my fourth child (1st girl).

I have heard that girls are easier to potty train than boys. I have to agree. My daughter had it down in EIGHT days!

My oldest son, however, took about a YEAR to potty train (more on that later). My other boys took about 2 weeks.

So, I’m going to take you though MY process, using my little girl as an example.

First, a couple of commonly asked questions about potty training:

At what age should you start potty training your child?

This is up to you and your child. Does your child seem ready? Do YOU feel ready? It’s a huge commitment and I don’t recommend turning back once you start.

If you start and then stop after a couple of days when your frustration level is THROUGH THE ROOF, you will send mixed signals to your child and will cause them to be confused about your expectations.

My mom says that all 5 of her children were potty trained by 18 months old.

I started my oldest at 17 months. Looking back, I don’t think he was quite ready. He took a year to potty train. By taking “a year to potty train,” I mean, he was having one peeing accident almost daily for about a year before he finally decided to take control of the situation.

I take the blame though. I had high expectations and was pretty hard on him. Add that with my lack of experience and mix in my impatience and we have a recipe for disaster.

My other three children I started potty training at 20 months. My opinion is that the PRIME TIME for potty training is between 18-24 months.

At this stage, children are very observant. They like to imitate and they are trying to be more independent and love to “feel big.” So, PRIME TIME.

I also feel that the longer your child stays in diapers – the more comfortable he/she is going to be staying in diapers.

I know many parents who wait to potty train their children until they are three years old because they will virtually “potty train themselves.”

That’s OK if you want to wait. I start earlier because my stomach just cannot handle it. The older your child gets, the more adult food they are eating and the more adult-like their bowel movements are getting.

Have I said too much? Sorry.

What do I need to have to get started?

You need “training” underwear. These are the small, extra padded underwear. The smallest I’ve ever been able to find is 2T – a little big but they work. Make sure you have plenty of training pants on hand (eight at the VERY minimum - I get more). There’s nothing worse than running out on the FIRST DAY (well, there are worse things but…)

You need a potty seat/chair that sits on the toilet or one of those little training toilets that sits low to the ground and has a compartment below that you remove and dump later.

I personally prefer the potty chair that sits right on the toilet. It’s less mess for me!

Only one of my kids was afraid to sit there so high on the big toilet so I just held on to him and reassured him for the first couple of times and he was fine after that.

OK, are you ready to start?

Here’s my process, using my daughter, Abbie, in my step-by-step example.

First, your child needs to now what “potty” means.

I actually started using the word “potty” and pointing out examples (thanks to brothers) of “potty” a couple of months before we started potty training.

If you have older children that feel comfortable (or if YOU feel comfortable), it might be a good idea for your potty training student to see them in action.

That may sound strange to you, but trust me – toddlers like to imitate and this is the easiest way to explain what you’re getting at.

Next, the underwear.

We did not make going to the store for underwear a big event. I don’t think, at this age, she would have appreciated or understood the significance. Her underwear doesn’t even have fun characters on them.

However, I did point out that they were pink and “so big” and that made her smile.

The process...

We put the training pants on and I said, “OK, no don’t potty in your pants (pointing to her underwear). You need to potty in the toilet (pointing to the toilet).

I repeated this a few times, in different terms. “Pottying in your pants is naughty, no, no. Go potty in the toilet and you get candy (pointing to the toilet, then candy)!”

Then I sat her on the toilet (potty seat). She didn’t “go” and that was to be expected. But she needed to get used to sitting there.

IMPORTANT! Don’t leave your child sitting on the toilet alone (at least not at first). Besides the safety issues, if you leave them alone, they might feel scared or feel like they are being punished.

I sit on the edge of the bathtub and wait (and sometimes wait, and wait and wait…).

Try to make it a fun time but don’t detract form the real purpose of being there. My kids all liked to look at books while they were learning to potty!

After a few minutes, I got Abbie down and asked, “Did you go potty?” We looked together and I said, “Nope. No potty.”

A couple of minutes later, she had an accident on the kitchen floor. This is ALSO to be expected.

I watched her closely and could tell that she was just as surprised as I was and even a little scared.

I carried her to the bathroom, set her on the toilet (in case she wasn’t finished) and said, “Uh oh, you peed in your pants (showing her the wet underwear).” Then I said, “Don’t potty in your pants, sis. No, no.”

The point is to make your child see that they have done something wrong, something that needs to change.

The point is NOT to diminish them or to make them hate potty training from the get-go.

I cleaned her up and put clean underwear on and repeated my first instructions (yes, this does get monotonous). “Don’t potty in your pants (pointing to underwear), it’s naughty. Go potty in the toilet (pointing) and we get candy (showing candy)!”

It’s important to repeat these instructions EVERY time they have an accident.

The reward for success is ESSENTIAL. If you are anti-food for rewards, that’s OK. Just make sure you find something they love (a sticker or small toy, etc.), and don’t get every day already. Abbie even loves washing her hands after pottying – another incentive!

I’ve always used M&M’s (three at a time) and they’ve worked great for us.

This first day, I started by sitting her on the toilet every 15 minutes because this is how often my boys would go when we first started with them. She’s NOT going to tell you “potty” the first day (or the second, and probably not even the third). So you have to “train” yourself to take her potty regularly.

Setting a timer always helped me remember to take them potty – especially on the 15-minute interval kids.

Contrary to my suspicion, hearing a timer did NOT condition them to pee ever after.

I soon learned that Abbie didn’t need to go every 15 minutes. She went about every hour (down her leg and on the floor) and sometimes longer.

For nap time, I put a diaper on her. There was no way I was setting myself up for that disaster. This is when she chose to poop that day.

By the end of our first day, we had four peeing accidents and no peeing-in-the-toilet successes. But that was OK. We had established a procedure, a change in the way things would be done.

Don’t get frustrated when you have days like these when they just don’t seem to “get it.” They WILL. Just don’t stop – remember you’re in for the long haul and turning back now could cause confusion and even cause resistance next time you start.

On the morning of day two, I took off her diaper (yes, I put one on for bed) and set her on the toilet first thing. She did trickle a little bit and didn’t get nearly as excited as I did. I tried to make a big deal with lots of clapping and “yay’s!” and of course, candy. She just smiled a little and went on her way.

I tried to take her potty again about an hour later. She sat there with for about 15 minutes, reading, and singing and…nothing happened. I put her underwear back on and within 5 minutes she had peed (on the floor).

This time, I tried a new consequence. She got a shower – which she hates.

With my boys, I also used this tactic and it works. No, I’m not trying to be cruel, but just like touching a hot stove brings a quick and fierce consequence, so does peeing your pants, at my house.

I think something that's so important in this case as well as with discipline in any case, is that you show an increase of love after wards.

Hold them, kiss them and remind them that you love them.

I had to put a diaper on her for the afternoon while she went to babysitters for a couple of hours. We came home and left it on during lunch and nap (I hated to keep a diaper on her for that long, but I didn’t have much choice).

After her nap the diaper was just a little bit wet. I sat her on the toilet and she finally pottied! I made a big deal of it and gave her candy. She smiled and was happy but seemed to nervous to really enjoy it.

On day three she had three accidents. Each time, she seemed surprised – like she was the victim instead of the culprit! She didn’t potty in the toilet at all.

On day four, I had to travel to Wal-Mart and spend the day 40 minutes away from home so I decided I had to put a diaper on her again.

We were gone from about 8:30 until 2:00. When we got home, I took off her diaper to put on underwear and her diaper was dry! I was shocked and was a little concerned that she was going to get a UTI from holding it for so long!

Later she pooped twice on the toilet and did have a couple of pee accidents.

By this point, she still would not tell me “potty” or say “yes” when I asked her if she needed to potty.

On day five she had only two accidents and peed TWICE on the toilet! She would still “hold it” for a long time and was reluctant to go pee when I put her on.

I put a diaper on her for the evening while being baby sat and she stayed dry again! That was for about four hours! I brought her home, sat her on and she peed again!

By this point I was feeling very encouraged that she was getting the hang of things.

Days six and seven were pretty much the same as day five and we only had one accident.

On day eight I considered her “potty trained” because we had no accidents and had a comfortable system going.

Today is day seventeen. Since day eight, she has only had two minor poopy accidents and has since started telling me when she needs to potty.

I still put a diaper on her at night, but it’s not necessary for nap time. Some days she sleeps clear through the night with a dry diaper.

So, as this becomes more common, we’ll work towards no diaper at night.

With my boys, I would offer a reward for a dry diaper each morning. When they finally had that down, we went to underwear at night.

So there you have my long (but not complicated), potty training process.

It’s stinks, yes. It’s frustrating, yes. And messy, definitely. But you CAN do it. Just jump in with both feet and don’t look back!

When it’s over, it’s wonderful.

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Do you have a great story or tips on potty training? Share it!