Spanking Children

Is spanking children OK? Is it effective?

I spank my children. And I will explain how and why.

First, let me clarify that I do not beat my children. I believe that spanking as a form of discipline in children ages 1-8, when done correctly, is an effective way of teaching them right from wrong.

Spanking children has been used as a way of discipline for hundreds of years (OK, this is my educated guess). There’s a reason for that – it works.

It is a quick consequence; much like touching a hot stove causes a burn, and shows cause and effect.

I’ve read studies with headlines like, “Spanking is detrimental to children” and, “Children who are spanked have lower IQ’s.”

There is a reason for findings like this.

These children are just being hit. They are not being properly disciplined.

A parent who hits their child in anger is not teaching the child anything but to be afraid of their parent. There is no lesson learned.

I’m going to discuss here, when and how to property spank children as a form of discipline.

How old should children be for spanking?

You should assess your child’s physical and emotional development to decide what they can and cannot understand. A baby, of course, is too young to spank.

But by the time a child is about one-year-old, they need to know what kinds of behavior are acceptable.

For example, if my one-year-old were to hit another child, I would take his or her hand, firmly “spank” their hand and say, “no”. For one thing, this helps them understand, that hitting hurts – they know how it feels. And telling them “no” helps categorize that behavior into the “no” category – something we do not do

At such a young age, children cannot understand reasoning or a long explanation about why hitting is wrong and why they shouldn’t do it. But they can understand cause and effect and the simple word “no.”

At other times a spanking on the bottom or legs is appropriate.

After spanking your child and they understand the concept you are trying to teach, it’s important that you show an increase of love towards your child.

They need to know that they did something unacceptable. And then they need to know that you still love them

I’m not saying you should spank them and then immediately grab them and hug them. This will confuse them!

Give them a moment or two or three (however long it takes) to process and internalize the consequence. Then hug them and tell them that you love them.

A child that has reached age 8 is probably too old to spank. By this age, they are definitely old enough to reason with and to understand consequences for their actions.

Too often, parents resort to spanking children just because it’s easy. Don’t spank unless it’s an effective method of treating that particular misbehavior.

Usually, to be effective, a spanking needs to happen immediately. But never spank in anger.

Also, don’t threaten a later spanking. Saying, “wait ‘til your father gets home,” is not effective. This only teaches kids to dread when dad gets home! And by the time he gets home, the teaching moment has passed.

Don’t spank (or discipline in any form), in front of an audience. I’m thinking specifically of times your family may be with friends or extended family.

This could cause an embarrassing moment for you child. And they will probably be distracted from learning the lesson, focusing instead on the people standing around them than the behavior you are trying change. It will probably cause resentment towards you.

If possible, take your child to a different room or to the car and take care of the discipline there.

Our spankings usually consist of one or two swats on the behind or back of the thighs.

Never, hit or slap your child. It’s just wrong. Just the thought of it sounds wrong, doesn’t it? It’s demeaning and disrespectful. They cannot learn any lesson from this type of behavior from you.

There is a definite difference between spanking children and beating and demeaning them.

Each child is so different. I’ve heard of parents who have tried spanking children with no results whatsoever.

I have one child who does not respond well to spanking at all. The look on his face after a spanking is sheer resentment. I’ve always regretted any time I’ve spanked him.

The thing is, he is SO logical and reasonable, that even at a very young age (probably by the age of 3), talking things through with him was more effective than any spanking.

Spankings are VERY effective with another son of mine. He learns quickly after being spanked for certain behavior and he doesn’t often repeat that offense.

My oldest daughter seldom gets spanked. A very intense, “NO” is all she needs and she seems to fall apart.

It’s always important to try to find a punishment that fits the “crime” and the child. Make a plan and be consistent.

So many parents put off ANY kind of discipline while their children are young – thinking that the child is too young to understand. That concept is simply not true!

Find age appropriate discipline for your child and use it.

Otherwise, by the time they do get to an age where they understand, it’s too late! They aren’t used to obeying, following rules or respecting authority. They are a mess!

To address the “study” above that “Children who are spanked have lower IQ’s.” I would like to say that both of my school-age children are top academic performers in each of their respective classes. And…they were both spanked (gasp!).

Some excellent articles on spanking children:

http://www.christianmonthlystandard.com/index.php/lies-about-spanking/